I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
