Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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