i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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