That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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