dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
