official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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