wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
