Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
as a side note pls kill me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
