I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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