OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
