Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
