Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
