Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
