Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she smelled like a LAN party
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
