If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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