It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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