I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
