Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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