i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
