I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
