marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Shitshow foam night was such a success
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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