Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
