Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
