So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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