Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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