And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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