Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
