i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
