can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
