First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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