your room smells of hookers.
And success
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it hurts more in the daytime
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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