Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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