I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
