That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
