His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
