Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
