so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
