im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
