She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
