Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
