so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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