Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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