I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
