At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
