My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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