that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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