ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
