those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
