i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
