I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
