There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
