1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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